Steven Seagal

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Where Have I been? For the past several years I’ve made almost 20 films, most of them shot in Eastern Europe and on budgets that wouldn’t feed the dog from “The Artist.” Not to mention, my voice is so hollow it forces producers and directors to sometimes dub my lines in mid-sentence. It looks ridiculous, but hey, I’m still a mega action star, number one in Albania.

True, I’ve put on a few pounds, but who doesn’t? And yes, I miss the status I once held in America. I mean, the fact that “Marked For Death,” was snubbed by the Academy still hurts.

But being on this Hall Of Fame list is almost better. Who cares that I never had the chisled physique of these other clowns? I can still kick all their asses.