AFTER EARTH

Date: May 31, 2013 0 comments

A friend tells me his young nephew saw the trailer for “After Earth,” and immediately said it should have been called “After Avatar.” Kid doesn’t miss much.

Will Smith used to be the Monster of Memorial Day. Every few years it seemed he’d drop in on the long holiday weekend with another MIB, or an offering like “Independence Day.” Nowadays his moniker might just as well be the Duke of Dung, as he’s delivered one steaming pile after another. “Seven Pounds,” “Hancock,” “I am Legend.” Need we go on?

This weekend he returned with the most disappointing one yet, “After Earth,” which smacks a little too much of the same mildew that surrounded John Travolta’s “Battlefield Earth,” which proved to be one of the worst films of the last three decades. Earth might achieve the same atrocious status.

Seems like this snoozer-ama is nothing more than prehistoric animals chasing the dude (Smith,) and his son (Real Lifer Jaden.) Both look equally inane modeling silly, skin tight jumpsuits. As horrible as all this sounds, the dialogue might be even worse, stilted, literal, and worse, boring. Add to that Smith trying to sound like James Earl Jones delivering CNN ID’s and you have all the ingredients for a true turkey. The whole thing felt like two hours of the campy old series “Land Of The Giants,” but wasn’t even that good.

Smith likely cast son Jaden so he could spread the familial blame after it tanked, and did it ever.

Expect this one to slink away without a whimper and be out of theaters in about a month.