Rating The Oscars

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Once again, the Academy Awards turned out to be thoroughly forgettable.

Seth McFarlane is a witty guy, but he pandered with too many quips aimed at the Advocate crowd, as if dudes-only dance numbers and the inordinate amount of show tunes weren’t enough.

(To his credit, McFarlane joked about the show being too gay.)

Worse was sitting through a painful 15 minutes of William Shatner, stuffed into his Captain Kirk tunic and almost unrecognizable due to a face that looked like it had come out of a Spam Can. McFarlane’s taped skits were sharp, but should have been spaced throughout the three plus hours, instead of forcing them all into Shatner’s ill-advised fiasco. They lost snap as a result.

We’d also like to know what happened to our stars being in some kind of shape? Melissa McCarthy is doing herself and her fan base no favors letting herself go like that. No one says she has to look like a generic, surgically enhanced supermodel, but we don’t want her to have a heart attack either. Not that McCarthy was by any means the only one with such issues. Instead of tossing out gift baskets the Academy should start forcing these folks to sign up with Personal Trainers. The entire show felt like an early season installment of “The Biggest Loser.”

On the positive side, Shirley Bassey singing “Goldfinger” was pretty cool, the highlight of a weak tribute to the great 007.

As for the winners:

“Argo” – Best Picture. Ben Affleck has now made three great movies, and should have been nominated for Best Director as well. Affleck makes personal films like those of the 70’s, and we’re glad the old farts saw fit to recognize his talent.

Ang Lee – Best Director for “Life Of Pi.” He’s a visual artist and without Ben Affleck in the category, he deserved the hardware.

Daniel Day Lewis was not going to be beaten for Best Actor. He was the best thing in the boring and average “Lincoln.”

Jennifer Lawrence surprised some with Best Actress for “Silver Linings.” The movie was massively overrated, but despite her youth, she was pretty damn good.

Christoph Waltz took Best Supporting for “DJango.” Problem was his bounty hunting dentist borrowed too much from his Nazi Colonel in “Inglorious Basterds.” He won for that role as well, so we know the Studio Vaders and the aging white men who do all the voting must like him.

Anne Hathaway nabs supporting for Les Miz… whatever. We thought the mother from “Silver Linings” was excellent, but Hathaway is a company town darling because she never utters anything that could be controversial. Then again, she did raise eyebrows with the Nipple dress.

  1. Edward Barrington says:

    Ang Lee won as Best Director because of the shitty ending to the “Life of Pee”, I mean, “Life of Pi”. Hollywood loves a downer.