Bullet To The Head

Released on February 1, 2013 0 comments

This being Superbowl Week, it’s only fitting that we’re treated to a good ol’ testosterone-popping action flick filled with amazing stunts, cringe-worthy one-liners, and bloody extremities.

Not to mention we might also have a future good/bad classic on our hands.

Of course, everything about “Bullet To The Head,” will be in bad taste. What we’ve seen in previews reeks of gratuitous body counts and explicit methods of killing. There is a growing outcry claiming such a production has no place in theaters at this time, especially with the country in the midst of a serious gun debate.

Its literal, spot-on title won’t help much either. We’re not about to try and defend it, even if it was made months ago and is no more graphic nor bloody than everything else these days. There is a segment that won’t be appeased, and we understand their misgivings.

We just happen to like amusing action movies, and this one, as we already mentioned, has the makings of a laughably silly G/B Hall Of Famer.

So forgive us. Now then… where to begin?

With Stallone of course.

Newcomers to our world should take a gander at our Hall Of Fame Actors Page, where the man who gave us Rocky holds a top ranking in our Pantheon of extraordinary, though aging, action heroes. Stallone has been chugging along for almost 40 years now, and we’re happy to see that he’s keeping up with his HGH regimen, flexing the physique of a 22-year-old MMA champion. The only time he ever let his waistline go was to play the slow-witted constable in 1997’s “Cop Land,” which was one his many ill-fated mistakes.

Over the last few years, he’s come full circle, fully embracing his mumbling, action oriented Id while thankfully abandoning those hopeless attempts to tame the comedy genre, which even he would now admit were catastrophically awful.

In “Bullet,” much like he was in the sleek remake of “Get Carter,” (see photo with Mickey Rourke) Sly is an aging hitter with too much time and few decent memories. Toss in that slimmed-down torso filled with the Tats of an Eastern Euro Mobster, and you know there will be lots of gunplay. What there won’t be are bouts of free-fall introspection while sitting on a Frou-Frou couch with some decent looking but skeptically critical woman. We could do with a few more flicks that don’t treat masculinity as a disease.

And by masculine we don’t mean the large-assed windbags who’ll be ensconced in their Chud Dens this Sunday, decked out in shrinking shorts and gut-covering jerseys while mulching through trash bags filled with kettle corn. This while their wives roll their eyes and prattle on with no decent form of restraint around a massive, granite kitchen island.

(Sadly, we’ve been to our share of SB parties.)

No, we’re actually talking about guys who get their jobs done without the whining and complaining, no matter how distasteful.

In “Bullet,” Stallone’s character has promised daughter Sarah Shahi (stunningly sexy dark-haired temptress) that he is getting out of his ruthless business. Then of course, he’s drawn back into the bleak enterprise when his partner is snuffed. (Seriously, do these guys ever really get out? Isn’t that the lesson of all the “Godfathers,” even the bastardized Number 3?) To balance the books, Sly teams up with a young Cop to help find his revenge, turning the back half of this one into what promises to be a juiced-up buddy romp.

Another good sign for “Bullet” is the hand of Walter Hill, an excellent action director who made his name helming the likes of “48 Hours,” and “Extreme Prejudice.” Though he’s mostly served as a Producer for the past several years, he’s more than up to this.

As you can see, there’s simply too much going for this one not to give it a look.

Without question it will be overblown, juvenile and boorish.

But who cares? Sometimes boys just need to be boys.